


We Found Safety (in the darkest of places)

by Hooda



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: -Ish, Angst with a Happy Ending, Comfort/Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/M, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Sleepy Cuddles, Survivor Guilt, Watching Someone Sleep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-19
Updated: 2017-08-19
Packaged: 2018-12-17 05:50:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11845242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hooda/pseuds/Hooda
Summary: He was never supposed to mean so much to her.Sometimes, Jyn was still surprised by the amount of affection she held for Cassian in the years that followed their first mission.She liked to imagine he felt the same.





	We Found Safety (in the darkest of places)

**Author's Note:**

> Game of Thrones' angst is prompting me to write some GoT fics. Some of that angst writing rubbed off onto this little snippet short story. Don't think too hard about it; it's not been edited properly and probably had errors... :)

 

It takes them years to finally understand each other.

They trained, bickered, stressed and orbited more often around each other as the years progressed. There was no way to hide from Jyn’s malicious fists in the training rooms. Likewise, there was no way for her to avoid Cassian’s inquisitive glances and undertone warnings in the briefing meetings when she pushed taunts too far or silently cussed.

Too many times he was responsible to keep her bracing attitude in check while she took the responsibility of hitting him upside the head whenever he began closing himself from her. They were each others’ way of keeping the other sane.

She wants to imagine the trust only began to exist because he saved her life by vouching for her. The Alliance would probably have never accepted her amongst their recruits had Cassian not pleaded to his superiors. Jyn wishes the unfamiliar warmth she holds (preciously) for Cassian was because of his derogatory jokes about the Emperor, rather than the way he holds her gloved hand sometimes around Base.

Cassian was not a man that touches carelessly outside of missions that otherwise require him to do so. He holds himself stiff and apart from his comrades. There were small exceptions at times: a firm hand shake from an officer or occasional clap on the shoulder from Shara.

He was methodical about the way he touched Jyn; a hand brushing hers under the table in the mess during meals, a soft brush of his fingers across her temple to push her hair away, an arm across her shoulders when there was nowhere for her to sleep but up against his shoulder.

They learn to feel discomforted when the other is sent off on a mission. Jyn was a dedicated Pathfinder while Cassian was climbing to regain respect in the Intelligence offices of the Alliance. Draven still looked at him warily ever since Scarif. He knew to look away and continue working diligently.

With his limited privileges, unlike before Scarif, Cassian was limited to what could find out about Jyn’s occasional missions off-world. The Pathfinders were a strong and capable force to be reckoned with on the field, but he still preferred reading the reports that the sergeants logged into the Intelligence files than having to find out from second-hand sources (Shara) about their progresses.

More importantly, he wanted to know what specifically happened on the missions. Jyn was the worst at telling him specifics.

There were times she was willing to satisfy Cassian’s every inquiring questions and other days when she barred her door against everyone. She would leave the lights dimmed and shrug out of her filthy fatigues and find something clean to change into that did not smell like blood.

Alcohol typically helped wash away the darker missions that left her silent and barred from interaction with anyone upon returning to base. She often cusses out the Alliance for putting a ban on her favorite form of forgetting.

And like true rebels, there were some who knew where to get their hands on a pilfered flask or two for the right price. Unfortunately, Jyn knew exactly who was responsible for providing the rebels with their nightcaps.

She would gladly pay Han for a reason to get drunk in the privacy of her own room, but Jyn also just happened to be ducking low around the captain. He still glared at her in an attempt to guilt her into apologizing for breaking his nose, which Jyn vowed was justice for cheating his way out of a gamble and unfairly taking the majority of the few credits she owned.

Cassian was undoubtedly _there_ for her. He would make sure she was still alive when she went out on patrol by checking in on her comms. He would help her train when her other squad mates would rather get some sleep. He would sit with her in silence in the mess hall when Jyn ever decided to eat a full meal.

He did it all without a second thought and ignoring his needs in favor to tending to someone else’s instead.

No matter how tired or exhausted Jyn became with herself, she was not blind to the way Cassian failed to help himself. His brown eyes were as bitterly harsh as Echo Base’s snowed frontier. Jyn was not oblivious to how he slumped dishearteningly after missions or grumbled his way through assignments on a data pad.

His body sung exhaustion while the rest of him worked to give Jyn a safe place to call home.

On the long nights when they work late in the same room, she cradles him close to her chest. All she had to do was crawl under his thick blankets when his drooping eyes were threatening to close for good. Her hands were warm and careful to pull him close and situate his arm across her torso so its weight was a familiar pressure. His hair smelled like old shampoo when she nuzzled her nose into it.

The best way Jyn knew he was completely asleep was when she could run the pad of a thumb lightly over his jawline to smooth out the tension. If he were awake, the edges of his lips would visibly lift just enough that her hand pulled away in embarrassment.

After everything Cassian does to help her in any way, holding him close and offering a few hours of closeness felt like the least Jyn could do. The weight of his upper body pressing down into hers was a reminder she was not alone in her battles anymore.

It was terrifying and warming to place such trust in anyone again after years of constant reminders why _not_ to do so. She was terrified of the day when he would be forced from her side, or worse, realize how little she really mattered and left her for something greater (Draven).

If only Jyn could see his worst night terrors. They were the horrors of his actions and missions melted into the backs of his eyelids only to be repeated at random chances. But the worst ones were not the memories of pulling the trigger from a rooftop or sliding a knife between the ribs of an agent gone rogue.

It was Jyn watching him with wide eyes and bleeding from an attack. It was watching the light fade from her eyes and succumbing to the realization that the cause for his fighting (her, it would always be her) could be ripped so suddenly away.

Those were the nights he startled awake with her arm wrapped atop his shoulders and her fingers over the crown of his skull. Her heartbeat would pound under his ear like a steady drum as she slept wrapped around him.

And in the mornings he would lie there as she slowly awoke, neither one truly wanting to leave the comfort of the sleeping arrangement. They would lie silently as the echoes of Base in the morning passed by the door, the call back to reality and out of their mutual security.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments - pos or neg - are always greatly appreciated!


End file.
